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Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore… And because of this, there are not many left out there…

I don’t really think I could completely explain how much I dislike this statement. Did you know that if you type that sentence into google, it gives you pages to “Why Men Aren’t Real Men” according to EliteDaily, “Why do nice guys always finish last?” from GoAskAlice.columbia.edu, and Datehookup.com has several: “This is How Every Woman Should be Treated” and “Are there any Good Guys Out There Anymore?”

Who has the right to define what a ‘real’ man is? Or that every woman should be treated one way versus another when every woman is different from the next. The ‘typical’ woman loves to be smothered with love and flowers and cutsey, cliched gifts, right? Wrong. Some people are private and chose to keep to themselves. Some people choose not to send flowers because they don’t need to prove to everyone else that they love their significant other. As long as the two people involved know, what’s it to you? I can’t stand being smothered. I need my space. I don’t want to spend every waking moment with the man that I love. I need my me time. This is unfathomable to some people. And that’s fine. I’m not judging you on that, so do not judge me. Don’t assume to think that because the girl before me liked something that I will, too. I’m my own person, and more often than not, I’m not going to like what she likes.

I was dating a guy that people would agree wasn’t good for me. I wouldn’t agree with that, but I seemed to be defining what I thought of the guy  based on everyone else’s perception of him. They only saw the outside, and the things I talked about, which were rarely about all the good, fun times we had. Why is it we are more readily able to complain about someone than we are to praise them? It’s something I’ve come to grips with about myself and am trying to change.

So the guy I was seeing had a roommate, who just so happened to be in love with me. And more often than not, he would tell me I deserved better. He claimed that the world always put nice girls like me with guys like my boyfriend and overlooked the nice guys like the roommate. I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but my boyfriend wasn’t so bad of a guy. My boyfriend at the time knew what he wanted and what he’d be willing to do for it. He tells it like he sees it and isn’t going to say something if he doesn’t mean it. He keeps to himself and people don’t always like that. He wasn’t affectionate with me in public very often. I am more than okay with that. Public displays of affection is not my thing. I don’t like it when other people do it, so I’m not about to make other people feel uncomfortable by doing it in front of them. If you choose to do that, go ahead. Just saying, I don’t. Now, when my boyfriend and I were alone, his good side would come out. He liked to cuddle and hold hands and we’d talk about everything under the sun. He didn’t push himself on me. He took things slow. He puts up with my randomness, he makes me feel like a better person. I changed a lot because of him. I’ve learned to be more accepting of myself, and that’s been something I have struggled with all my life. Somehow, he made me see that I am beautiful. At least to him, and that’s all that really matters. I have stopped comparing myself to other women because there’s really no point. You are you and I am myself. I have my good points and bad. You have good points and bad. We’re the same, but different. Of course, we had our fights, and they were big ones. We have our problems, which I am more than willing to work through.

But all everyone else saw was the indifference and heard about the fights. That’s it. And they had a preconceived notion of him that is hard to just drop. Doesn’t mean that’s how he really is, but no one seems to be willing to listen to me about it.

The roommate, on the other hand, the self appointed ‘good’ guy was an annoying little twit that I didn’t find attractive in the least. While I have no doubt he knows how to treat a woman well, I just couldn’t stand the part of himself that was so selfish and conceited. The world was out to get him and shit on him. He had no idea that he was hurting the ones around him, or if he did, he didn’t care. If you had a story to tell, he had a better one. If you had a bad day, his was worse. I’m telling you something to see if you can beat me. I just want to talk, and he wasn’t really willing to listen.

So, the roommate was the ‘good’ guy and my boyfriend at the time was the ‘bad’ guy. However, I’d take the bad that came with my boyfriend rather than giving up a part of myself to be with the ‘good’ guy. No one else should either. A girl shouldn’t have to feel bad for following her heart. You can’t really judge a person without getting the whole story. Just looking at a couple, you have no idea what it’s like when they are alone.

Yes there are good guys that get screwed over, but if they are really as great as everyone is making them out to be, they’ll find someone who is compatable with them. They just haven’t found the one, yet. Maybe that good guy is treating every girl the same, the way society thinks a good boyfriend should be when, in fact, you can’t do that. There’s a reason things aren’t working out for the good guy, but it’s not the girls’ job to figure out what that is.